Monday, June 10, 2013

Bachelorette Episode 3 Recap & Why I Miss The Bachelor

I have to say I'm a little disappointed in this season so far. Part of it might be the fact that I miss Tierra and her eyebrow.

The other part might be that the guys are boring me and Desiree is being naïve. It's boring me. Does anyone else miss Tierra's scheming or eyebrow? Please tell me I'm not the only one. Anyway, on to the recap!

Last night's Bachelorette episode was the one during the season where the contestants compete on their group dates. Whether it's the Bachelor or Bachelorette, this episode typically involves serious injuries, an ambulance ride and tears. It's always a hot mess, which likely makes for wonderful ratings.

Group Date #1 involved a vicious game of dodgeball. We'll call it the Hunger Games of dodgeball or just the movie Dodgeball.

The guys were clearly stylish in their 70s-esque attire - little tanks and short shorts and headbands - which leads me to my next point. Clearly some of the men are on steroids. I'm sure most of you have heard the story by now. They looked like puffed up, plastic Ken dolls. No really.

"Today was supposed to be fun and I don't want any of the guys to get hurt." Really, Desiree? What did you expect? Nerf balls and then everyone will shake hands at the end? Clearly every time the men compete, it gets ugly. Haven't you learned from the past, girl? What is this, season 9? You'reNotNewToThis.

Brooks is loving the extra attention.

Regardless, I'm sure it was a real blow to the ego for Brooks. Embarassing. Not only does his finger break and he goes to the hospital, but they go to reset it and he passes out and turns into an ER patient. The blue team won, which means the red team was pissed...until Desiree decides to take all of them to the "after party." Snooooooze-fest. America wanted drama, or at least I did.

Brooks shows up all better and gets some one-on-one time and kisses Desiree on a blanket. Snooze. We knew that was going to happen. Remember Tiara last season after she got hypothermia? They always show up wanting pity time.

Chris gets to go to a personal concert with Desiree during the group date as the other guys act like stalkers and watch them dancing and kissing. Creepy. I mean clearly they aren't going to love seeing her with another guy, but do you need to watch them like creeps in the bushes?

Kasey, our little social media buddy, got the one-on-one date. #Awesometime #Hewassoexcited #Iwasn't.

As Desiree is getting ready to go on her date with our favorite social media guru and is writing in her diary - how fitting - she gets the bad news that one of the guys has a girlfriend. She's so shocked and surprised. "I didn't see that one coming." Wow, Desiree. Really? This is SEASON 9. Not 1, not 2 or even 3. This happens ALL the time - at least once a season. Shock does not exist in The Bachelor/Bachelorette anymore.

Brian. Oh, Brian. Desiree sits him down asking him if he's there (like the rap video) for ALL THE RIGHT REASONS. I'm thinking..come clean Brian. Just admit it. Don't be stupid. He goes on to explain he wasn't even friends with his ex...who turns out not to be his ex. Little does he know she is actually THERE and ready to see her boyfriend. Idiot. He has this goofy look on his face like he got caught by his mom with his hand in the cookie jar before dinner. "I'm not stealin' any cookies, Mom." OK bud. Right.

His girlfriend, who has a SON, yells at him ... A lot. Wow. What a creep. Not only does he lie about having a girlfriend, but his girlfriend has a son. Brian continues to argue, which clearly he needs to get the point that Desiree is bootin' his behind out of there. "We've had a very rocky relationship" - his girlfriend says she threw rocks at him. That's cute.

So back to Kasey's date. They walk around West Hollywood to go do dancing on the side of a building. I think they've done mountain climbing, sky diving, hot air balloons, walking on top of a bridge... I'm sure ABC is like what other height things can we make these contestants do?! They had dinner on top of the building and for some reason Kasey reminded me more of the member of a boy band than her date. Was it the hair? Blazer? So with the wind blowing too much they decide to hit the pool. Great idea. Then Kasey moves in for the kill and clearly the moods isn't there because Its like a scene from The Wizard of Oz around them. She gives him a rose regardless despite the fact that I think he's going to be in the friend zone.

Group Date #2 involved stunts and some acting. Dan's pants split but he kept going. I think Desiree really likes Bryden. I could see the, together. Juan Pablo who I've seen like once gets the alone time for winning the contest and they enjoy popcorn and a movie - The Lone Ranger - alone. They kiss despite having a 2 second convo this entire season. Afterwards, they all sit around a campfire and fight for 2 seconds of her time. James gets a rose after we hear about his father being sick which was sad. I think they'd be cute together - I'd like to see them on a one-on-one date.

Be sneaks off for a drive with Des that he thinks is secret before the pool party. Too bad everyone knew. He lies about it when the guys ask, too. As I'm watching the pool party I'm wondering where these guys buy their clothes. It's a mess. Brandon, who has spoken to her probably 5 times ever, tells her he's falling in love with her and thinks about her all day. Only on The Bachelorette....

So who goes home? Brandon, who looks like he's in utter shock, and Dan, who we never really got to see. Ben got the last rose. I wonder why that was. Any ideas? What did you think of the episode?

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